How to do St. Patrick’s Day Right, Bachelor Version (from Penthouse job, 2009):
9:20 AM- Sprinkle sawdust on apartment floor in preparation for return, smuggle bottle of Jameson to work
10:05 AM- Spend day filling out NCAA March Madness Bracket while hating the fluorescent ceiling lights and working on that Jameson
6:35 PM- First bar, someone tries to put one of those stupid plastic green bowler hats on you. Punch them in the face.
11:50 PM- Third bar where 17 year-olds are drinking Bud Light out of plastic yard glasses. Punch at least one person wearing a Larry Bird jersey.
1:55 AM- Karaoke! “In your heeeeead, in your heeeead, zombie! Zo-ombie! Zo-ombie-ay-ay!”
3:00 AM- Passed out in bed, sawdust on floor pays off.
Text paraphrased from original article by Drew Magary
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911 New profile pic courtesy of my self-caricature for the Scott Maiko penned article “Gotcha! Mug Shots of Common (but Despicable) Criminals” from MAD 550
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